Mamas, I know you love your babies. I know you love your partner. But I also know that sometimes the last thing on the face of the earth that you want is for them to touch you one more freaking time.
It took me a long time to figure out that what I was feeling is something called “Touched-out Syndrome”. Touched-out Syndrome is essentially the feeling of being overstimulated or overwhelmed by constant physical contact. This is something that is very common for breast-feeding mamas, especially when their little one is cluster feeding.
As mothers, especially stay-at-home mothers, we spend all day caring for our little ones which almost always includes some form of physical contact. Whether we are holding them, rocking them down for a nap, breast-feeding them, holding their hand, reading them a story in our laps…there is almost always some form of physical contact happening.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing better in the world then snuggling up with my little one or getting sloppy faced kisses – but it can also be exhausting.
There are days when Ethan just wants to be held 24/7. There are days when he fights naps and sleepily smacks my face or pinches my skin as he fights drifting off. There are days when he looks at me as his personal jungle gym and climbs onto my back and into my lap the second I sit down, while simultaneously pulling on my hair and biting my shoulders. There are days when he makes it his mission in life to grab the glasses off of my face or see how many kisses he can give me in the span of 20 seconds.
Most days, I absolutely love the affection he gives me and I’m more than able to deal with the occasional smack or pinch. But some days, it’s just too much. Some days, I find it overwhelming and exhausting and I just need a break.
On those days, there are a few things that I do:
- Take a damn break: You don’t have to be super mom every single day. It’s ok to take off your cape and just be human every now and then. If you’re overwhelmed but feel like you can’t put the baby down because he’ll scream and cry and throw a fit – just put him down. If he’s fed, has a clean diaper, and there’s nothing physically wrong with him – put him down. Set him in the crib or in another safe and enclosed area and just breathe. Crying for a few minutes is not going to hurt anyone, and that goes for you and baby both.
- Encourage independent play: When Ethan is feeling extra clingy and I just don’t have the energy to hold him all day, I put him down with some toys and start to play. I start off by actively playing with him and then slowly start to distance myself more and more. I may go from sitting directly next to him to sitting a few feet away, then I may stand a few feet away and eventually end up sitting on the couch. I’m still with him in the room and interacting with him verbally, but I am physically distancing myself.
- Communicate with my partner: I can’t tell you how many times my husband has come home from work and the first thing out of my mouth has been, “please don’t touch me”. Before I figured out there was a name for what I was feeling, my husband was very confused & I’m sure he felt like I was taking out the stress of the day on him. Eventually, I was able to explain to him what I was feeling and he now knows that when I tell him not to touch me, it has nothing to do with him or anything that he did – I just simply need a break.
- Redirect the physical contact: When it comes to Ethan, he doesn’t understand why mommy doesn’t want to hold him or let him crawl all over her that day, especially when she didn’t have any problems with it the day before & that can be very confusing for him. So, when he wants to be held all day then maybe instead of holding him in my arms or on my hip, I put him into a carrier or take him for a ride in his stroller. If he wants to crawl all over me like a human jungle gym, I stack up some couch cushions and let him crawl from my lap onto the cushions and back again. When it comes to my husband, I might ask him to rub my shoulders or scratch my back instead of giving me a hug or cuddling with me on the couch. That way there is still a feeling of intimacy and physical affection, but it’s a relaxing action that I can control – so it doesn’t add to my stress.
The most important thing to remember is this: our children and our partners aren’t mind readers. When we’re overwhelmed and want to be left alone, we need to tell them. If our children are too young to understand this, we need to come up with creative ways to limit the physical contact without leaving them feeling ignored or abandoned. Little ones thrive on physical affection – they love giving kisses, cuddling on your lap and being held. I want to stress that it’s important that we provide them with this physical affection, but that doesn’t mean that you need to let them hang on you 24/7.
When you need a break, take one. Because that’s what it is, a break – just a few minutes to relax and release some of that building tension. A happy mama is a good mama.
Have you experienced feeling “touched-out”? Do you have any tips & tricks for other mamas that may be experiencing it? Let me know in the comments!
