Bullying is a huge issue these days. It’s always been an issue, but social media has been a game changer. It’s so easy for kids to hide behind their phones & computers and spread hate. It’s so easy for them to tear someone down and not even think twice about it. At times, social media can feel so impersonal that kids don’t realize the effect that their words can have. How does that even make sense? These apps and websites that are designed to bring people together, more often than not, tear people apart. It’s absolutely terrifying. Children are killing themselves. Children, kids that haven’t even gone through puberty yet, are taking their own lives.
For me, bullying is an extremely personal issue. My sophomore year of high school through my freshman year of college were the absolute worst years of my life.
It was a classic case of best friends torn apart by jealousy. To make a long story short: a girl that I had been friends with for years became jealous when I got a boyfriend my freshman year of high school and the world as I knew it came crashing down.
I won’t go into all of the details, because I could literally write a novel, but here are a few examples of things that happened to put my experience into perspective:
- In the middle of an assembly I felt something hard hit the back of my head. A full-size lotion bottle had been thrown at my head, and exploded upon impact. I was covered in lotion from my hair down to my jeans.
- During lunch one day, I was hit in the temple by a grapefruit. This of course caused my eyes to immediately well up with tears which incited laughter from the table of girls that had thrown the fruit.
- Once, when leaving a classroom, I was shoved into a locker bank. Later that same week, I was tripped down the stairs.
- I was followed through the halls and verbally harassed in between almost every class. If I was holding something in my hands, it would inevitably be knocked out at some point throughout the day.
- A group of girls showed up at my parents house, and threw rocks at our windows. They then harassed my parents when they went outside to confront them.
- Fake MySpace and Facebook profiles were set up, with the sole intent of making fun of me.
- Kids would show up to my work, which was at an ice cream shop in the mall, and knock the samples out of my hands or smear ice cream on the counters and floors.
- My car was keyed in my work parking lot.
Like I said, I could write a novel about all of the things that happened. Some were as mild as being snickered at in the hallways, while other things went as far as assault. Let’s just say, those were some tough years.
I was so anxious and stressed out that I would vomit in my driveway every single morning before I left for school. I was sick all of the time because my immune system was completely wrecked.
My parents did everything they could – from speaking to school officials to contacting the police. The school basically said there was nothing they could do: there weren’t cameras in most of the hallways where the assaults took place, anything that happened online wasn’t their issue, when they questioned the kids involved they denied everything – blah, blah, blah.
A few teachers were on my side. They would look out for me when I would leave their classrooms, they would keep an eye on me when they saw me in the halls, they would let me have my cell phone on me in case I needed to call my parents. But for the most part, the school did nothing. Looking back, I don’t really blame them. It’s a really tough position for school officials to be in. A lot of what was happening would be considered hearsay. It wasn’t on camera, it wasn’t in writing, and if the kids are denying it – what proof do I really have? I understand that they probably did the best they could.
The thing that shocked me the most about my experience was how willing other students were to join in. What started as an issue with one girl, quickly turned into an issue with upwards of 30 students. A lot of my “friends” turned on me and joined in on the bullying and by the end of high school, kids that I had never even met before were bumping into me in the hallway and saying nasty things to me at football games. It felt like I couldn’t trust anyone and I started wondering what was so terrible about me that total strangers would want to hurt me.
Things started to slow down my sophomore year of college, but life didn’t get better for me until I transferred to a university in another state. Getting away from it all and starting over was the best decision I ever made. There I found true friendship, self-worth & a sense of belonging.
I know how much bullying can hurt someone. I understand how those experiences can haunt them into adulthood.
I refuse to raise a bully.
My children will be raised knowing that every single person is equal. No one is beneath them and no one will be treated as such. My children will be raised understanding that words CAN hurt. They will be raised to apologize when they hurt someone. They will learn from their mistakes. They will stick up for, and be a friend to, those that need them. My children will not ignore bullying. They will not turn a blind eye because, “it doesn’t involve them”.
Parents – bullying ends with us. We need to do better. We need to raise kind children. We need to monitor what our children are doing online. We need to hold our children accountable when they do something wrong. We need to love them so hard that they can’t help but spread that love to others.
